Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
