in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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