So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
