Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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