is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
