Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
