Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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