dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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