You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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