If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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