That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
