do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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