then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
