wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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