Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
