Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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