yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
