I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
