I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
