It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
