OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
