I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
