i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
