we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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