I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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