quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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