Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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