Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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