There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
