No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
