pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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