Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its about making memories worth repressing
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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