Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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