He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize