Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
