never play flip cup with pint glasses
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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