I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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