Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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