You're completely useless in the revolution.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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