so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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