I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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