I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
