mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
