I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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