She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
