I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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