Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
