I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
