It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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