how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
