My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
