After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're a waste of cheezeits
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
