She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
