If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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