My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
