why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm always down for nudity.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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