Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
