I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
