My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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