Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
