sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
