but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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