Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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