Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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