your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
